silence is easy

Words are like toy cars. You can make them zoom up and down your mom’s new sofa and pretend the “vroooom!” sounds are coming from it instead of from your own mouth but in the end they mean nothing.

 

Some days, though, even a toy car can run you down.

 

.

in the city by the sea

Smoke and waves, my coping mechanism for melencholy.

I visited the beach after dark a few days ago. It was blessedly dark and abandoned, free from all signs of life. The only witnesses to my descent to the waves was an old couple, peacefully eating by the pier. A long walk later, I stood staring at the dark line where the horizon and waves met nearly seamlessly until the sky and the sea seemed one. The greenish glow of surf lapped up and down the endless horizon, dying out as it  touched my toes.

If one had a choice, I would have chosen to simply walk into those eternal waves for my end. Gone without a trace, footprints in the sand to be lost in the throng of people that would arrive the very next day.

There is no reason for these odd thoughts, they just come to me, coupled with the sea. I wonder sometimes why it is the waves inspire such melencholy within me. They seem to bid me to sit and reflect, alone and undisturbed whilst they enjoin others to fun and frolic. I only wish I could live up to their endless depth with something a little less shallow than selfish reflections of my own mortality.

dissect the darkness

The darkness.

Dissect it. Pierce it with your blade. The blackness must end. There must be something tangible beyond this festering nothingness.

Discard all memory. Look with your hands. Grasp blindly for a light, a hope of any kind.

The darkness has swallowed the hands. That which I cannot see I cannot know.

My eyes are useless, my hands are lost. I stagger on in this infernal black, lost to all memory, lost to all light.

I stagger on blindly.

animalistic

Oh, for that blessed moment of peace when all activity ceases. A moment of silence and utter lack of comprehension that stretches endlessly, simply because in that moment we comprehend nothing.

Just one moment of pure sensation replacing thought. A moment of serenity.